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Out For a Walk

Lily keeps thinking about her recent appointment with her doctor.  She hates that she is now on medication.  Somehow, that makes her feel older and more vulnerable.  She has looked at the information sheet that the doctor gave her.  She WANTS to follow it perfectly.  The structure of her life makes this very difficult to do.  The only time she has for food shopping is Sunday mornings at 8 AM, and she always tries to buy enough food for the week.  However, by Thursday, there's never any food in the house.  So, it's just easier to stop for fast food for the kids on her way home from work, and, of course, she buys for herself, too.  There's just not enough time for her to do everything she needs to do, let alone wants to do.  But, she's trying.  She's doing her best and she wonders if that is good enough.

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The kids have been pestering Lily and Matt for a dog for what seems like a very long time. Matt is gone so much and Lily works such long hours.  She feels guilty about the kids coming home to an empty house after school, and her not being enough fun when she finally comes home.  She thinks a dog may be a good idea.  Plus, what an opportunity to teach them responsibility.  The kids are thrilled about their surprise.

Hey, Lily.  So, I think it's great that we are out with Ashley and Melanie for a walk. You know this counts as exercise if you would just pick up the pace a little.

Wow, IVy.  I'm not in the car and here you are.

I keep telling you, Lily.  I am with you ALL the time.  It's just easier for you to hear me at certain times rather than others.  The car is one place.  Taking a walk is another. While I have your attention, I'd like to discuss something.

(Groans, then sighs)  You always want to discuss something.  What now?

You're very snippy right now.  I wanted to talk about what's bothering you.  

At the moment?  Right now I'm annoyed that I am the one taking the dogs for a walk.  That wasn't supposed to be the deal.  Everyone thought it was such a great idea and now look who's stuck doing all the work.  As usual. Me.  And, IVy, I can't pick up the pace.  Ashley keeps stopping and sniffing every minute and Melanie just wants to go in the opposite direction.  This isn't exercise at all.  

I hear you.  And I think you are totally right about this.  I'm just wondering about why you are always the default for whatever needs to be done. And it's not just with the kids and the dogs, Lily.  It's with Matt, too.  And your mother.  And your friends.  And even work.  You take on so much and never say no.  I think people take advantage of you because you're so nice and you don't complain.  And I don't think anyone knows how you really feel.  

I'm talking about all this in therapy, IVy.  I never realized how I put myself last with everything.  I also never knew that I was angry about not feeling appreciated.  This therapy stuff is really hard work.  It's hard enough to change me.  It's a whole other challenge to change everyone else.

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