The Dieting Experience
Changing the conversation about weight loss and dieting
Dr. Laurie Patlin Suttenberg, DSW, LCSW-QS, DCSW
Self Discovery
Lily's Conversation with her inner voice (IVy)…
You’re slow, Lily. I’ve been sitting here waiting for you.
Who are you? You look familiar…
I’m you. Or, rather, I’m one of the Inner Voices in your head. Call me IVy. I’m your best friend. I’m your biggest cheerleader. I’m your guardian angel. Shall I keep going?
And you pick now to show up? What’s with that?
I don’t remember this.
First of all, Lily, I’ve been with you forever. I’ve just been doing my thing in the background. Remember the first time you had to jump off the diving board and you were scared stiff? Where do you think you got the courage to do it? And who do you think reminded you to close your eyes and hold your nose?
I actually don’t remember being that scared. And I also remember none of my friends were scared and so I didn’t want to be left behind. Nice try…
Like you would have listened to her?? Nope, it was me. I could go on and on, you know.
I’m not done, Lily. Remember you were friends with that group of back stabbers? Who do you think told you to break ties with them and get new friends?
Well, it was a big deal then. And who do you think told you that Dan was not suitable for you as a boyfriend?
I thought that was my mother.
No need. I have no time for a lengthy conversation right now. I have things to do. I have to get to the drugstore and pick up a few prescriptions.
Drive. We’ll chat along the way.
Not my cup of tea.
Chat about what? This is actually pretty weird, you know.
Forget the weirdness. I was sitting next to you when that doctor was talking to you.
Really? Did you like him?
Me neither.
OK, so we agree. But let’s get beyond that. I think it’s really important to think about what he said. So, Lily, tell me what you heard him say.
I heard him say I am a pathetic, fat, ugly, and disgusting loser and I’m going to die a horrible miserable death.
Yeah, I kinda thought that’s what you took from that appointment. So I’m here to set the record straight. You are NOT a loser. You are NOT pathetic. You are NOT disgusting. You are NOT ugly. Yes, you’re fat. Can you be fat without being all those other things?
I’m not sure.
Then we have work to do along the way to change your thinking on this. I don’t want to freak you out, but there are other voices in your head besides me. Remember, I’m the best friend. There’s also an enemy in your head. She’s easy to spot. She’s the one that pushed you to smoke cigarettes that summer you were 17. She convinced you it was cool. It took me all summer to convince you otherwise.
This is sounding very complicated.
It’s not so complicated. I just want you to think about all those horrible labels that you put on yourself. They’re not coming from me. They’re coming from her. She’s very good at hiding. Sometimes she pretends she’s me. Tricky little thing, she is.
So, IVy, why did you pick now to reveal yourself if you've been around forever? I don't get it.
Because even though you didn’t like that doctor, and I didn’t like him either, he did give you important information, even if his delivery sucked. I’m here to help you make sense of this.
I’m supposed to read the information sheet when I get home.
Yeah, I know. But what happens after you read about what to eat and what not to eat? Is it as easy as that?
I would think so.
Wrong, Lily! If it was as easy as that, wouldn’t you have figured that out already?? Wouldn’t everybody have figured that out, if all we needed was for someone to give us an information sheet about what and what not to eat?
I don't get it.
Exactly. You don’t. And he was wrong to expect that you do get it. That conversation back there in his office was a set up. And, I’m telling you, I’m not standing by watching you get set up by anybody.
What was the set up?? He told me my bloodwork sucks and I need to lose weight.
I have no issue with that, Lily. Those are just the facts. The harsh reality. And, yes, you do need to lose weight. The set up was his last sentence to you before he rushed out the door to see his next patient. He told you it’s all about willpower. Did he sit down with you and talk to you about willpower? Do you know what willpower is? Do you know what willpower has to do with losing weight and having better bloodwork?